我期待的人要回来了。。。

没了他的这几个月，就好比人间地狱。。。

对于游戏的玩法，个人想法和人生道理都没人可聊。。。

他一去就去了4个月，这4个月来，我都在过着些超无聊的生活。。。

直到放假遇见了她，令我至少还知道自己还有存在感。。。

我真的很想带她去看看这个我有点点崇拜又欣赏的人。。。

他的存在就好比神降临在这世上。。。

因为他做任何事情都卓越过我，这也是让我心安的地方。。。

真的不知道他回来对我有几大的改变。。。

也不知道他出去这段时间到底改变了多少。。。

可是至少现在的我有了可以寄托的她。。。

谢谢她的出现，让我至少看到我的未来没那么灰暗。。。

没诚意的男人。。。

犹豫不决的我，无意中终于牵了她的手。。。

其实当我第一天看到她的时候，就有莫名的情切感。。。

我很想每天都看到她，所以我开始了我的最求理想。。。

其实好几次我都很想牵她的手，可是我很害怕。。。

我害怕拥有，也害怕被伤害。。。

我是一个不希望拥有任何东西的人，可是她确实我很想拥有的人。。。

我不希望拥有，是不希望有失去。。。

我很怕突然间的有一天，会有看不到她的日子。。。

可是我还是放手去试了，不想再度失去自己的幸福。。。

其实从以前到现在，我都没告过白。。。

都是其他人和我告白的多，所以我都不知道从何开口。。。

我做了很多天的功课和上网查了很多的资料，可是却全部都是说有心才是最重要。。。

我没正面和她告白，并不是我没诚意，而是我想不到用什么方式去告白才是她喜欢的那套。。。

送东西每个人都在用，我想用些特别的，所以打算用魔术。。。

可是后来知道了她不喜欢其他人知道自己的私生活，所以也打消了念头。。。

其实我是个一无是处的男生，我不像其他男生都有很大的大志和希望自己出人头地。。。

我要的只是无忧无虑的生活，就像老人家那样的清闲。。。

我很想无时无刻在她身边保护她，可是我却没办法办到，因为我不是万能。。。

还是会有些时候，我是没办法出现的。。。

所以我能给她的承诺就是在她需要我时，我都会出现在她面前。。。

昨天看到她无法入睡的样子，真的让我很心疼。。。

我希望痛的人是我，而不是她。。。

所以我只能将我最好的东西给了她，那就是我的被。。。

虽然我的背并不是什么特别好的被，可是我希望她能够得到我睡觉时的安心。。。

我把我的被盖上了她以后，再将他的手放在胸口和肚子之间的位子。。。

这是打坐时常放的位置，可以帮忙定神和将头脑放松的方法。。。

我能做的就只有这些了，可是我又很害怕她睡不着和被吵醒。。。

所以整夜都守候在她身边。。。

其实我对他的心疼和担心一早就以超过了睡意。。。

只要她能睡得好，就是我最大的安心。。。

这就是个爱上了人的我，是个愚蠢，不理性和害怕的我。。。

P/S: 其实她问我为什么我会爱上她，有可能她在2月14出生吧。。。

就在我看到她的第一眼，我就有了莫名的情切感。。。

我很理智的没将她和她混在一起，因为她们是两个完全不一样的人。。。

可是我很想跟现在的她说，其实我爱的就是对我坦白而又直接的你。。。

The meaning of the name [FvR]Valentine

The name of [FvR]Valentine...
People always ask, what is the meaning of [FvR]Valentine?
Well, this name is actually create from a game name Sdo, or name as Xdo in new version...
At first, i just think of creating a guild name [FvR] meaning forever...
But suddenly it remind me of something that happen long ago...
It all start when i was just at the age of 12...
Before that i was actually stop talking to other since the age of 6...
I just use to write down what i want but not by talking...
At the age of 12, after end of UPSR, i go to ipoh for holiday...
( i go to ipoh every holiday cause my grandmother stay there )
As usual i go to basketball court near my house and see there all the day...
I use to see people play basketball there all the time...
But one sudden day, a girl cry in front of me...
She keep on crying and i just ignore her...
But she stay beside me keep crying and crying...
Not long later, she finally stop...
Then she ask me why i don't care about her?
Just as usual i keep on ignoring her until i finally can't stand and i start to talk...
=.= should say is a miracle...
I still wondering why i talk to her that day, maybe i really can't stand already...
Cause she keep on asking the same question...
I told her i don't like to talk and i dont know what she is doing...
Then she teach me a lot, about friends, talking, and also how to communicate with other...
The we start our relationship...
Should say she is my first girlfriend, and a special one....
Because of what she teach me, i start to care more about my friend then her...
That was her 15 birthday, my friend in ipoh ask me for help...
I go to help a friend of mine and i totally forget about her birthday...
Because of it, i break up with her...
I though she was just kidding so i just keep on saying and asking her don't make such a joke...
After that she keep on ignore me and getting away from me...
At the mid year holiday, i go back to visit her and try to be together again with her...
But then only i know she has pass away because of heart attack...
She know it all the time she won't make it, so she try to break up with me with an stupid excuses...
She always cry after breaking up with me (that is what i heard from a best friend of her)
And i always think of her as well...
I don't know she is going for the surgery...
I plan of telling her how much i really love and care about her...
But now i just can tell her at the graveyard...
The days she die was actually the day of Valentine...
That day i was getting thing hoping to make her happy agian...
But whos' know... I won't see her again...
She was always in my heart, so the name is for her...
I can't tell her or do anything for her now, but all i can say was she will always be in my heart...